Today wasn’t too bad of a day, i slept in until about 11:00 am which i don’t do very often. I had some time to get up and get a few things done online before my DBT (Dialectic Behavioural Therapy) group. The group runs every week once a week for two hours. It doesn’t really apply to me but my doctors and social workers thought i might get a few things out of going to the group so i agreed to going. The group is a 1 year program which will end in september.
When i got home from the group i really wanted to make a video of some sort to post to youtube but couldn’t come up with anything which makes me wonder what i am good at, what skills i have if i couldn’t think of a video to do, but i’ll give it some more time to think about it and see what i come up with.
I did find a way to backup my movies which was good as i have been wanting to put my movies onto my hard drive incase they stopped working. I use a program called Xilisoft DVD Ripper to rip the movie off the disc then a program called Any Video Converter to convert the movie to the proper video format and save it to one of my external hard drives.
The depression today hasn’t been too bad, it was good up until about 5 or 6 pm EST, then it started to go downhill slowly. After a good nights rest i’m sure i will be fine. Sleeping seems to reset everything. I am always at my best first thing in the morning and at my worst in the evening, so hopefully any job i can get will be in the morning but if not then it’s not and i’ll deal with it.
Today has been an ok day, my mood seemed to be elevated for a period of time but i’m not sure for how long, and it seems to be coming down. I can say, however, that my mood was elevated while i had something to do and now that i have nothing to do my mood is coming down. I need to find something that really interests me and find a way to incorporate that onto the internet through blogging or through youtube as that is what i would like to get into. On a scale of 1 to 10 i am probably at a 6 and was at a 7 or 8 earlier.
I know that i should go out for a walk or do the step exercise but right now i just don’t seem to have the motivation to do so, maybe after writing this i will try to force myself to do a little bit of exercising, getting out the door is the hardest part. I was in at the dr’s office a couple of days ago and was weighed, my weight has gone up 25 lbs over the winter from about 175 to 202 give or take a few pounds. That makes me a little bit depressed as it took me all summer last year to go from 215 to 175, again give or take. I did two 1 hour walks a day every day and ate at a regular diet. I am hoping to be able to get my weight to at least 180 and then maintain if not loose some more weight. It will be hard as it will take a lot of motivation on my part that i seem to be lacking.
Well the depression took another spike and it was too much too quickly for me to adapt and cope with to keep it under control so i ended up in the hospital for a couple of days, voluntary stay. I have things back under control, and have also put in a resume for the local YMCA which I hope to at least get an interview for. It would be nice if i got the job, it is part time and I think it would be a good job to re-introduce myself back into the workforce. Hopefully it would also open up some opportunities for me as well.
I am a little bit nervous about going back to work but that is only natural, it has been about 7 years since i have worked with the exception of 2 months that I did a carpentry apprenticeship but that type of work just wasn’t for me so I didn’t continue it. Ultimately i would like to have some type of office job, i know that is very general and there are lots of different sections within having an office job but at the moment i don’t care what the job is. I would like to go back to school for the Social Service Worker program. If I could finish that program and work as a social service worker that would be great for me as that is the area i would really love to be working in. But for now I would be happy with just a part time job as that is part of my short term goals, one step at a time.