Well I haven’t written on this blog in quite sometime, not since i went to Homewood Health Care Center back in August of 2013. I went to Homewood and completed the 2 months of the treatment. At the beginning I was resistant to do anything to change my condition other than agreeing to come off my medications. The psychiatrist there thought that the medications had me so sedated that I couldn’t feel anything and couldn’t properly discuss things that were going on in my life and how they impacted me.
We slowly came off my medications during the 2 months. We did have to put me back on an anti-depressant as when they took me off the ones I was one I started having more problems with my depression and suicidal thoughts. So they started me on a new anti-depressant, one that hadn’t been tried yet. The anti-depressant helped to stabilize me and I even had a few days towards the end of my stay where I was feeling well and happy.
After Homewood it was recommended that I see a psychologist to do talk therapy as that was one method that hadn’t really been explored with me and recommended that I stay on the current medications. I was more clear headed and I could think things through better. I was able to see things that were going on, recognize my triggers better and was at a level that i could start to become more active to help improve my mood.
On a normal day for me before Homewood I would have several suicidal thoughts a day, since Homewood i have had only 5 suicidal thoughts and one relapse where i cut myself recently. My mood for the last 3 months has been better than I can ever remember it being. I have been going out more, wanting to be around people, wanting to talk and meet people, and have gone from being stable to being well. It has been almost 20 years that I have been experiencing the depression and almost 10 years since i started treatment for it. It has been a long battle and a hard one but at the moment things seem to be changing.
This could be because things have run their course with the depression, it could be the medication, it could be being more active, it could be being more social, it could be the talk therapy, or it could be a mixture of all but the point is is that even though it took a long time things have started to change for the better. When your down in the ruts it’s hard to imagine that things can get better, and it feels like they never will, but remember that depression is not something that can be fixed overnight and takes a combination of things to get you well.