I was accepted and admitted into a treatment center called Homewood just over a week ago for treatment for my depression. The first three or four days were quite a challenge being away from my safety zone and in an unfamiliar place. My anxiety was pretty high during those days and i isolated myself for the most part. However, now that i have been there for a little while i am not so anxious about being there, i still have issues with my anxiety but i feel only the physical symptoms of the anxiety not the mental symptoms, which is a mystery to them. The psychiatrist that i have been assigned to seems to be a pretty good Dr. and i am pleased with the two meetings that i have had with him, he seems to know what he is doing.
The first meeting i had with him was on the day i was admitted and he was just getting some background information about my life and my depression. The second meeting was still gathering some information but trying to dig deeper about where my depression was coming from. He said that the situation was a bit unique and that he hadn’t really come across my situation before as most people that are admitted are having ups and downs and emotions are up and down as well. For me i am just numb and flat, I’ve shutdown and he believes that i have created a strong barrier between myself and my emotions that i subconsciously go numb or shutdown automatically and that i use up my energy keeping that barrier alive. I am on a lot of anti-anxiety medications so he wants to reduce the anti-anxiety meds to try and crack the barriers that i have put up, he is hoping that because i don’t have the anti-anxiety medications to calm me down that my emotions will start to come out and i will be forced to deal with them in a safe environment.
I get to go home on the weekends which is nice, i had to stay there for the first weekend, last weekend, and it was terrible. There wasn’t much to do but watch tv, read, and lay in bed. I couldn’t concentrate on the reading for much more than fifteen or twenty minutes, and got bored with watching tv, there wasn’t much on, so i found myself laying in bed for most of the weekend. I’m a smoker and didn’t have permissions to go outside the building but luckily my primary nurse said she didn’t have a problem with me going out for a smoke, thank god.
I am also hoping to do a medication change. One of the medications i am on is Wellbutrin and the side effects i have on it is small seizures, which are now not an issue as they put me on Epival, and sweating profusely, the sweating is really bad and it makes me very self-conscious and makes me not want to go outside for walks in this warm weather as i start to sweat so much. Between the Dr. and the group classes that i attend hopefully something will work and i will leave there after two months a little bit better and with any luck be able to gain back some semblance of a normal life. Time will tell.
If you are going through a bought of depression or are clinically depressed there are treatments available to you to try and find out what works for you. These treatments can range from simple to complex. I myself have been through different treatments and have found some that work and some that do not work. Everyone is different and what may work for you may not work for others.
Having a therapist can be helpful to many people as they can help guide you through your treatment and are available to discuss sensitive feelings and emotions. Sometimes it can be hard to find the right therapist so don’t be afraid to change therapists until you have found the one that works best for you.
You will want to learn as much about your depression as you can. The more you know the easier it will be to find a treatment that fits your needs and a better chance to successfully overcome your depression. All forms of depression should be taken seriously but keep in mind that the more severe your depression is the more intensive treatment you will likely need to receive.
Medications may also have an impact in your treatment. Sometimes medication is needed to help the individual enough to help themselves start to feel better which in turn helps them function better. Medication works differently with different people so don’t be discouraged if it takes some time to find the right medication. I have gone through seven years of trying medications before finding one that is somewhat helpful and allows me to function better for the most part.
Having a routine is also a helpful form of treatment. You should plan a time to wake up in the morning, have breakfast, take a shower and have at least one activity planned for the day. It may sometimes be difficult to come up with an activity but if you find yourself in that situation use the internet to research different activities or hobbies.
Isolation can be a huge contributor to a deeper depression. It is beneficial to you to make sure you have some time to socialize with family and/or friends. The more you isolate the worse your depression gets and that can lead to negative thinking and sometimes even suicidal thoughts.
If you find that you are having signs and symptoms of depression you should consult with your family doctor or with a psychiatrist. Your family doctor can help you come up with a treatment plan and if needed start you on medication to assist with the depressive disorder.
One of the most frustrating positions I find myself in right now is low mood but some energy however, no interest in anything. I have to force myself to do things that would normally interest but I can’t do it for more than ten to fifteen minutes. It’s very aggravating, and it’s like this day in and day out. I do try to get out and go for walks to try and get rid of some of that energy but those are few and far between as I just can’t force myself to do it.
I think I have become too isolated and therefore too comfortable in my own home. It is my safety zone and I don’t feel comfortable when i leave it. Every weekend I go to my dad and step-moms house to spend time with my dad helping him with different projects around the house. Although I enjoy spending time with my dad I find I can’t stay more than three or four hours. The anxiety builds and the desire to go home is overwhelming.
Having a social life is also important and I do have a small social life. Outside of my parents I had one friend i would hang out with almost every day for an hour or two, but he has moved away about a two hour drive. I have another set of friends, husband and wife, that I try to hang out with at least once a week for a couple of hours. Lastly there is a place called “The Meeting Place” where people in similar situations can go to meet up and talk, a place to go and hang out. I try to go there everyday for at least an hour. At one point I had stopped going and noticed that my mood started to decrease so I started going again with the hopes that mood would increase again.
All in all it would seem like I have the socialization part down but I don’t really socialize much. I don’t really talk much I usually just listen and give short answers. Another aspect that I find frustrating. When I am around people my mind just goes blank and I can’t think of anything to talk about no matter how hard I try. I don’t know if it is just social anxiety or maybe that is just the way I am but I am coming to terms with it and accepting that that is just the way I am.
I put in an application for a treatment center that offers a treatment course on depression among other mental illnesses. It is suppose to be at the top of the list for treatment centers, people come from far distances to be in the treatment center. I was accepted and am now just waiting to hear back on an admittance date. I have been told it can take anywhere from one to three months. Hopefully not three months, i would like to go while it is still warmer weather.